I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
