Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
