remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
