I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
