Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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