just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
