Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
