This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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