I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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