all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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