i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
