Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
