but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Randomize
