He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
