i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
PS: I just woke up from my shower
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
