After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
