she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
