am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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