My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
