There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
