She said her name was "party"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
