if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize