Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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