I just threw up on my dentist
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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