its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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