I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
