did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
