Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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