I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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