I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
