do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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