I got chris browned last night
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
