i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
