You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize