I looked at my own cervix.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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