i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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