I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
