He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
