you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
