I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
