I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
