Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize