i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize