Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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