so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
