His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
