I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize