I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
