dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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