hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
