Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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