dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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