I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
