We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
