My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
