ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
