Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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