Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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