I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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