Her vagina should come with caution tape.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
