This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
