I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
