just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
